


Hollow Sky

by DeMarcos



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeMarcos/pseuds/DeMarcos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When McCoy contracts a deadly disease, Kirk and the crew rush to find an elusive cure, only to discover that it can be just as deadly as the illness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For The World Is Hollow

Jim was awoken from a deep slumber by a shrill beeping sound echoing loudly through his quarters. Blinking away the remnants of sleep, he threw the blanket off his feet, ignoring the mumbled curse coming from the other side of the bed and stood up, wobbling slightly. In the dark, he managed to make it over to the intercom without stumbling into anything and pressed a thumb to the control button.

"Kirk."

"Captain, we've received a communication from the Eridani system. They are requesting a Federation mediator to settle a land dispute between the planet's two largest cities. As we are the closest ship, Starfleet Command has ordered us to the planet to oversee negotiations. We will reach the planet within three hours."

"Well, Spock, since I'm not really known for being levelheaded in tense situations, I think I can leave this in your capable hands for now." Jim smirked at the comm, not caring that his first officer couldn't see him.

"Your faith in my abilities is gratifying, Captain, but Starfleet regulation states that on goodwill missions, captains are required to-"

"Okay," He said, cutting the Vulcan off quickly, "I get it. No need to quote regs at me. I'll be down to the bridge in a minute."

Taking his finger off the comm, Kirk shuffled back over to the bed and flopped back down on the mattress, throwing an arm over his face and sighing heavily.

"You're the one who made that green blooded bastard first officer, so I wouldn't go complaining about it now."

Kirk turned his head to glare at Bones but found he didn't have the energy. The first few months of their new mission onboard the Enterprise had been ridiculously exhausting, as they all adjusted to the rigors of space travel. On top of taking part in peace talks and making first contact, Jim had spent most of his time approving system upgrades, going over the ship's supply inventory by department, on top of overseeing Scotty's overhaul to the transporter bay, which is the reason why he hadn't the energy to snark at McCoy.

"All I'm saying is, with as much as he expounds logic, you'd think he'd err on the side of caution and go by himself."

"You just don't want to go planetside with Spock and be bored out of your skull while people argue over imminent domain."

"Oh, you just know me _so_ well, don't you doctor?"

Bones rolled over and planted a kiss on Jim's lips. "I had better, considering how much of your shit I've put up with over the years."

"Nag, nag, nag." Jim kissed him back softly, though his intent was clear. "I can think of _better_ things for you to be doing before we get to Eridani."

Bones raised an eyebrow and stared down at Jim. "You look more ready for sleep, not sex."

"Awake, asleep, _still_ a willing participant." Jim waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

McCoy snorted and shifted onto his back. "Well, forgive me if I prefer my bed partners to _not_ be in the middle of a REM cycle while I'm screwing them."

Jim replied by jumping up and moving to straddle his lovers hips. "I'm awake and I want you." He demanded. He reached an exploring hand down between them, earning him a shiver as desire washed over his lover.

"I can see that much." Bones' breath caught, and Jim gave up the teasing in favor of a firm grip and long, slow strokes. "But maybe just one more hint would help."

Kirk shifted, pulling Bones upright with him as he sat back on his heels. He separated each word of his request with another kiss and a squeeze.

"Sex. Now, please."

 

* * *

 

Rolling off Bones with a satisfied groan, Jim flopped back onto the bed, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

"Guess you were right, doc. It _is_ more fun when I'm awake."

The bed started to shake once more beneath them as Bones went from panting heavily to howling with laughter.

 

* * *

 

Kneeling down in the back of the medbay, Bones was making sure the stocked medical supplies matched the monthly inventory reports, mentally cursing his decision to do this by himself, instead of tasking one of the nurses with the tedious job. He was glad, however, that Jim had decided not to oversee the process, as he had done with the other sections, and had left him the hell alone. The last thing he needed was Jim rooting through all his supplies like a particularly deficient child if he got bored. Groaning, he threw the padd down onto one of the empty biobeds and pressed his fingers to his eyes.

Deciding that this could wait until tomorrow, he ordered the computer to dim the lights and was walking out the door to head down to the mess for some dinner when a call came in over the comm.

"Bridge to Sickbay, Captain Kirk and Spock are transporting to the ship with three injured Eridians."

He didn't know whether to be surprised Jim wasn't injured himself for once -with as much as he loved to run that mouth of his- or if he should curse Uhura for ruining his dinner plans.

"Acknowledged. Med teams will be ready to receive all the injured."

Figuring neither of his options would be productive, he went about ordering the doctors and nurses to prepare for their incoming patients, setting up the med tables with all the equipment he thought they would need. He'd just finished lining up the hyposprays when the doors swished open, Jim and Spock entered quickly, each of them assisting a wounded individual with a third man limping in behind them.

Bones motioned to the beds as he moved to the one actually able to walk. The Eridians were humanoids, with china white skin and green hair so deep it looked almost black under the bright light. Mentally going over what he knew about the species' anatomy and medical profiles, he quickly determined that the limping man was in no immediate danger and left him to the nurses before on to the woman Spock had laid out on the biobed.

Going over her body with the tricorder scanner, his readout informed him that she had a concussion and major swelling in her abdomen. As he walked over to the trays to select the correct sprays, he threw a glare in Jim's direction.

"Do I even want to know what you did this time?"

"For once, Doctor McCoy, the captain's actions are not to blame for this incident. One of the citizens of Cephei disagreed with our assessment of the land situation and pulled a smuggled weapon on the members of the summit. Luckily, these were the only people he managed to injure before he was subdued."

"You should have been there, Bones, Spock just calmly walked up to him and did that nerve thing and he was out like a light. It' _s incredible_ , seeing it done from the other side!"

Shaking his head, knowing Jim was still a little amped from the adrenaline rush and prone to theatrics because of it, Bones swiped up the sprays and glanced quickly over at the Vulcan. If he hadn't known better, Spock appeared extremely pleased of the captain's view of his actions. Turning his attentions back to the task at hand, Bones moved toward the bed to inject the sprays into the woman before her internal organs ruptured. Satisfied she would live, Bones finished with her and he rushed over to the last bed, where the man was sitting, a large bleeding phaser wound on his back.

He was trying to hide pained sobs unsuccessfully as the other doctors held him steady. Bones stood in front of him, running the scanner over his body. He had just completed his scans when the man decided it was a good time to vomit blood all over Bones and pass out. Coming out in a fine mist, the expectorant landed on his face and chest.

Blinking stupidly, he took a step back, staring down at himself as Jim raced to his side. He vaguely heard Jim calling his name before his good sense came back to him. Rushing over to the tray, Bones grabbed a hypospray loaded with an antibiotic prophylaxis and injected himself with it quickly. Stepping over to one of the cabinets, he hastily reached up for a sanitizing spray and cloth.

Spritzing himself liberally with the foul smelling concoction, Bones used the rag to wipe the blood off his face and arms as thoroughly as he could. He then peeled off his blue medical tunic and black undershirt and shoved them both down an incinerating tube violently.  He hustled over to a supply cabinet to grab a spare tunic, which he pulled it down over his head. From the point of contact to ridding himself of the biological contaminant, it all took place in the span of thirty seconds.

Returning to the biobed, McCoy looked down at the man, pressing two fingers to his neck before peering up at the two men watching him warily. "He's dead." Picking the scanner up, he perused the display, his brow furrowing in dismay.

"What the hell, Bones? Are you going to be okay?"

"Fairly certain I will be, yeah. That inoculation should have killed any blood-borne illness he may have had and the sanitizer kills any living viral or bacterial organisms… but the scanner is telling me that his blood was already dead." Bones walked over to the display screen and uploaded the information for Spock and Jim to see. A large image of the platelets popped up.

"I'm not real familiar with Eridians but their cell production works on the same line as ours. However, this readout says that the blood pumping through his veins was old, older than it should be for him to be walking around… Like his body wasn't producing new platelets."

"Bones, you should scan yourself and go through a proper decon just to be safe. It could have gotten into your eyes or mouth."

"This looks more like a hereditary disease than a communicable one, so there's no telling if the decon would work. There are no signs of a virus in his blood system and blood diseases are usually something you're born with."

Waving the scanner over his face, he pressed a few buttons on the tricorder, and then paled considerably as his eyes flickered over the readout.

"That's not possible! Where the _hell_ is the virus and how is it reacting this fast?"

Jim, who was now beyond scared, pressed a button on the display screen, which brought up the new readings. McCoy was more paranoid about diseases that most shut-ins, but his lover was secure in the knowledge that he was smarter than most of the doctors in the 'Fleet. If he was confused and worried, then whatever had happened to the Eridian was _really_ bad. Jim turned his head to the screen, where healthy red cells were starting to show signs of slowing down.

"What's going on, Bones? You said that spray would kill anything he had!"

"The cells and platelets, but there aren't any being produced. Humans should produce over two hundred billion a day. This is telling me that the whole process is being slowed considerably. That's not _possible_."

"Xenopolycythemia."

Three sets of eyes turned to the man with the limp sitting on the bed. Spock arched a single brow and took a step towards the Eridian. "That shouldn't be possible. That disease is so rare that statistically, transmission rates are astronomically improbable, even with blood-fluid transference."

"That is true, but Tau was in the final stage of his disease, when the illness was extremely contagious and at its peak virility. In the final stages, the disease cannot be predicted, even by the most prominent medical minds in the quadrant. Tau shouldn't even have been at the summit but as the foremost geologist in Gliese, his insight was requested by the committee overseeing the negotiations." He touched a hand to his chest. "You have my deepest apologies for this unfortunate occurrence."

Bones waved a hand between the two of them to get their attention. "Would one of you like to explain what the hell xenopolycythemia is exactly?"

Spock folded his hands behind his back and turned to face McCoy.

"It is a blood disease for which there is no known cure. Many have tried and failed to synthesize a vaccine for many years. It causes all cell production in the body to cease, essentially choking all life sustaining functions of oxygen and nutrients. The average life expectancy for someone carrying the disease is estimated to be one year, if that."

McCoy stood there, flummoxed. Without a word, he spun around on his heel, speeding out of sickbay. Jim tossed a concerned look to Spock and rushed out after him. He didn't have to go far, since Bones was leaning up against a wall a few paces outside the door. Silently, he stood in front of the doctor and waited for him to speak first.

"I knew it. I always said that space is a disease riddled vacuum and I just _had_ to go and contract one that has no fucking cure!"

He slammed a fist into the metal wall and Jim couldn't help but flinch. Bones had never gotten this angry, not even when they fought, but given the circumstances, it was understandable. If it had been him, he'd be raging, too. Not caring if any crew members saw them, Jim stepped closer to McCoy and took his face into his hands, forcing the older man to look at him.

"I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but I am _not_ going to let you die from something we can't even see and that means not letting you feel sorry for yourself. You're a doctor, and a damn good one. You know that fighting is the best mental placebo a patient can have. If anyone can figure this out, it's you. And if anyone can pull a miracle out of their ass, it's _me_. I'll do whatever it takes to save you, Bones. But you can't give up."

"Right, I'm going to find a cure for a disease because you're _ordering_ me to."

"Hey, I am the captain and you have to follow direct orders."

Bones snorted derisively. "You do realize that as the chief medical officer, I have the power to overrule even you. Captain."

"Okay, then as your boyfriend, I'm asking you."

Jim pulled Bones closer and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Now get back in there and get all the information from that guy that you can. There has to be something in the database about this if Spock has heard of it."

Bones nodded and placed a hand over Jim's in a conciliatory gesture before heading back into sickbay. Spock and the Eridian both turned to look at the two men as they entered.

"Doctor, I think that Ara and I may have found something."

Ara limped over to the display screen and brought up a star chart.

"Eridani only achieved M-class status a decade ago and our technology is not as advanced as you Terrans, or most of the Federation. When Tau first became infected and fell ill, we contacted members of the Federation in the hopes of finding what had caused his sickness, and perhaps even a cure, somewhere in their vast databanks. It took several months to diagnose, as almost all had never even heard of it and those that had told us there was no vaccine once it was discovered what he was sick with. However, we heard a rumor from Andorian traders that there was a race of people known as the Fabrini who had devised a cure.

"Unfortunately, the Fabrini died out long, long ago and any known vaccine was lost. They told us how to reach the Fabrina system but it was at the far edges of the Alpha quadrant and we had no means of getting there before Tau succumbed to the illness. But you might be able to."

Ara brought up an image of the Fabrina system and pointed to it on the star chart.

Processing the information, Spock tilted his head as he reached a conclusion and glanced at Jim. "Captain, we would be able to travel there in a matter of weeks. If there is even the remotest of possibilities that we could find a vaccine, it is worth looking into. We could not only save Doctor McCoy's life, but those of any individuals who develop symptoms in the future."

In Jim's mind, there wasn't even the option of not going. Any glimmer of hope was better than the alternative. Walking over to the comm, he hailed the bridge.

"Mr. Sulu, would you please plot a course for the Fabrina system."

"Aye, captain."


	2. And I Have Seen The Sky

  **Sixteen days later…**

 

 

 

Jim was sitting on the bridge, staring aimlessly at the viewscreen from the command chair, desperately trying to keep his thoughts off the man five decks up with a death sentence hanging over his head. Over the past several days, McCoy had taken to sequestering himself in the science labs day and night, going over the autopsy he had performed on the dead Eridian over and over, as well as the numerous samples he'd taken. When he wasn't doing that, he was poring over the Federation database, trying to find something the handful of doctors who had knowledge on the disease had missed.

The only time Jim managed to catch a peek of the man was when he went to sickbay to literally force the doctor to eat some food or get some sleep, in which the latter request had never gone over well. He had quit trying to cheer him up after Bones had run him out of sickbay and all but ordered him off the entire ship. Because of that little spectacle, now the whole crew was aware of the true scope of their relationship, since McCoy had stated quite loudly that even though he was sticking it to Jim on a nightly basis, it did not give him the right to henpeck him like his wife, or his mother.

Kirk had always heard that the true nature of a man was revealed when faced with thought of their impending death and he did not want to believe that this angry, hollow apparition of his lover and chief medical officer was the real visage of Leonard McCoy. Jim always had an image in his head of his father and he always thought that was how people were supposed to act in their last moments. He wanted Bones to be the man he was when they first met, slightly punch-drunk but cocksure that if they survived the shuttle ride to the academy, there would be a whole slew of mortifying diseases that would do them all in, and that he was the only one who could do anything about it.

"Captain, at our current speed, we will be reaching the Fabrina system in thirty-four hours."

Peeling his eyes off the viewscreen, Kirk looked down at Sulu and nodded mutely. He then cast his eyes down at his chair's data system, fiddling nervously with the controls, not seeing the shared looks from the bridge crew being passed over his head.

"Sir," Spock said, catching Jim's attention, "I think it would be wise for you to get some rest before we reach the system. I will take the rest of your shift and I'm certain we will be capable of maintaining the ship in your absence."

Kirk didn't even try to disagree with Spock's statement. It had been over two days since he had even _considered_ sleeping. Every time he felt the need to rest, he would try and drag Bones along with him, but after their last few spats, adrenaline would kick in, boosted by his annoyance and fear, banishing all thoughts of sleep from his mind. That, and the idea of sleeping without his curmudgeonly boyfriend at his side didn't appeal to him at all. But with his banishment from deck six weighing on him and his crew's need to have a captain who could make decisions without severe sleep deprivation affecting his judgment, he quietly nodded and stood.

"Thank you, Mr. Spock. You have the bridge."

Entering the turbolift, Kirk pressed the button to take him to deck seven, paying no mind to the people tossing him odd looks or whispering under their breaths as he exited the lift and headed to his quarters. At that moment, he couldn't care less right now about the rumors circulating around the ship about him and his lover. Exhaustion was hitting him like a ton of bricks, and when he caught sight of his bed, looking comfortable and inviting, he immediately began peeling off his uniform. Jim silently thanked the stoic Vulcan again for verbally kicking him off the bridge out of mild concern, while managing to disguise it as proper procedure. Crashing down onto the bed with a groan, he grabbed McCoy's pillow to bury his face in it, taking in a deep breath of the lingering scent of the older man.

"I don't know whether to be jealous of that pillow or offended you think it's a suitable substitute for me."

Startling violently, Kirk pushed himself halfway off the bed in shock, his tired gaze falling on the dark figure sitting in the corner like some evil creature from an old fairy tale. Grumbling, Jim flopped back down, almost wishing that Bones' decision to come out of his hermitage hadn't coincided with him finally deciding to get some shut eye. _Almost_. He was just glad that Bones was no longer yelling at him, small favor that it was.

"Don't worry, Bones, nothing could ever replace your crotchety old ass, not even the softest Orion cotton."

That earned him a chuckle and Jim was glad to hear something from the older man besides anger or frustration. Sliding an arm under the pillow, he turned on his side so he could face Bones. In the half light, he could see just how hard the past few days had hit the doctor, dark circles under his eyes, his face unshaven. The disease hadn't even begun to become truly debilitating but the mental stress was making the toll it took even worse.

"Well, I hope that remains true, even after I'm gone."

"Damn it, Bones, _don't_ talk like that! Ara said there was a good chance we could find this cure the Fabrini people made, and knowing this crew, that makes our odds even better. Besides, what did I tell you about giving up?"

"I'm not giving up, Jim, I'm being _realistic_!"

"Be realistic all you want but at least have _some_ glimmer of fucking hope! Otherwise, what the hell are we even doing out here?"

Bones darted up from his chair and before Jim could blink, the man was looming over him darkly.

"There is no hope, Jim. There is just this. The here and now."

The kiss he pressed to Jim's lips was soft, contrasting the rough drag of McCoy's beard on face. They wrapped their arms around each other, fitting themselves tightly together. Long minutes passed in comfortable silence as they lazily kissed and Jim felt himself growing drowsy once again.

"I'm too tired, Bones." He managed to breathe out in between kisses. Bones didn't relinquish his hold, simply bringing their mouths together for a searing kiss, crystallizing the memory of those lips, the warmth and weight in his arms, everything that embodied Jim, in his mind. After a moment, Bones drew back, resting their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scream at you in front of the crew." The apology was a few days too late, but better late than never, he supposed. "But I am a doctor, Jim. I do know how to take care of myself without you treating me like an invalid or looking at me like I'm a failure for wanting to give up. I just-"

Jim cut him off by wrapping his fingers around the nape of Bones' neck, moving his head on his shoulder gently as sleep now blurring the edges of his vision even more.

"Sshh. It's okay, I understand." The downward spiral of Bones' life that led them to each other began with an incurable disease, the one that had killed his father just before the cure could be found. Now another disease loomed over him menacingly and the prospect of karma coming back for him had sent Bones over the edge. "Just rest now. And believe me when I say that I _will_ get you back for that."

McCoy smiled into the crook of Jim's neck as he felt the younger man below him being softly tugged into slumber and followed behind him soon after.

 

* * *

 

Chekov brought the image of the Fabrini planet up on the viewscreen and it was clear to all gathered that the planet had clearly been uninhabited for quite some time. McCoy scoffed at the idea of going down there and searching through the remains of whatever had been left for some elusive –or even imaginary– cure.

"Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is a damned fool's errand."

"Bones?"

"Yes, Jim?"

"Shut up."

McCoy heard the dual snickers coming from Sulu and Chekov and he greatly wished he could incinerate people with his eyes as he glared holes into the backs of their skulls.

"Now, I'm sending out three away teams to the remains of the major cities Mr. Spock located. Spock and I will go with one team he's selected. Bones, Sulu, I want you taking a group from the science lab down after us. Chekov, you will be leading the last team, select whoever you want, as long as they know what they should be looking for and then meet us in the transporter bay. Uhura, you have the conn."

Spock sent an almost imperceptible smile to the linguist as she stood up from communications and delicately perched herself in the captain's chair. Her long hair swished behind her elegantly as she returned the smirk with one of her own. Entering the lift with Spock and Bones, Jim couldn't help but laugh at the Vulcan, who turned to look at him with a quixotic expression on his face.

"Is there something about this situation you find amusing, captain?"

Jim waved a hand vehemently in the negative, trying his damndest to quiet his chuckling. McCoy just looked at him like he'd gone completely bonkers.

"Just thinking of how becoming the lieutenant looks when she's in command..."

Spock turned his head sharply, barely suppressing the emotions those words brought up in him.

"… And how she could convince you to get busy in that chair if she really wanted."

Bones groaned and shook his head. "Jim, for the love of God, please get your mind out of the damn gutter before your first officer lays your ass out again."

"Relax, it's just a joke. Spock would sooner quote Starfleet regulations to Uhura than do something that _bold_ with her."

The doors swished open to reveal Scotty waiting in the transporter bay with the crew members they would be going down to the planet with. The engineer caught a glimpse at the cold expression on Spock's face and backed up a step.

"I'm no' even gonnae ask, I don' want to know, just don' get any of the captain's blood on my transporter."

Jim smirked widely, stepping out of the lift to clap a hand on Scotty's shoulder. He may have been captain but his chief engineer was the only one on the ship who could fight him for ownership of the _Enterprise_.

Spock schooled his emotions smoothly as he followed Kirk out and handed Scotty a padd. "These are the locations we will need to be beamed down to. Please enter the coordinates, the other two teams will be down shortly."

Kirk motioned for the team to step up onto the transporter pad, Spock moving to stand next to him. As they waited for Scotty to enter their destination, Jim locked eyes with Bones.

"Good luck, and don't forget that hope thing we talked about."

"As long as you remember that reality thing I mentioned."

Jim grinned as the transporter switched on, a deep red light partially filling the room and the tug of his atoms being scattered overcame him.

"I'll make my own reality... with you."


	3. Come Together, Fall Apart

Kicking aside a large piece of rubble, Jim precariously made his way into one of the many derelict buildings dotting the planet, Spock walking behind him slowly as he took readings on his tricorder. This was the seventh building they had investigated so far and Jim was really getting tired of the deathly quiet aura surrounding the skeletal remains of the city, along with all the damn debris blocking their every step.

When they'd first transported down, Spock had indicated he was reading energy signatures all around them and Kirk had become prematurely excited, thinking they would find a Fabrini database still working somewhere. He was soon disappointed, however, to discover that _all_ the mundane technology on the planet ran off the same element as their information centers, with a half-life longer than even Spock had ever seen or heard of.

They had then spent most of the day spelunking around the desiccated city center, the massive shells of the skyscrapers looming over them as they rooted through what Kirk had sarcastically referred to as 'space microwaves and electric toothbrushes'. The ensigns from the science labs didn't seem to care as they filled their sample cases to the brim with the useless stuff. The consensus was the same with the other teams, Bones, Sulu and Chekov reporting numerous energy spikes in the different sectors they were combing. They were finding the leftovers of ancient Fabrini daily life but so far, no one had come across a data terminal.

"Okay, people, we need to split up, otherwise we'll still be here when the suns set." He pointed up to the dual stars shining down upon them. The binary system the planet was in was the primary cause of the Fabrini's fate, as well as why everything around them had that dead, bleached look to it. "I really don't fancy the idea of a return visit to this place. Ensigns Keenan and Vykos, you two go east, LaBelle and H'rung, go west. Mr. Spock and I will continue heading north. And I don't want to hear anything more from you guys about space toasters!"

There was a chorus of 'aye, Captain' from the ensigns as they grabbed up their gear and meandered off, failing miserably in hiding their smirks from him. Kirk just ignored them, then made a sweeping motion with his hand, indicating for Spock to lead them to their next destination. The Vulcan nodded and stepped forward, his tricorder sweeping back and forth in front of him as they made their way further into the city. After a few moments, he pointed towards a squat, sun-bleached hovel in which he was getting spikes from. Kirk sighed as they began marching up a wide dirt mound towards the next disappointment in companionable silence.

"Captain, may I ask a personal question of you?"

Of all the people Jim thought would start asking questions first about this whole situation, he certainly hadn't bet on it being Spock. "... Sure, why not?"

"It's about your comments in the transporter bay."

Attempting to deflect, Kirk pasted on a grin and chuckled. "I already said that stuff about Uhura was a joke, Spock. You don't have to worry about me entertaining dirty thoughts of your girl. I got my own dirty girl to think about."

"Although I do not find your _joke_ amusing in any capacity, Captain, nor the usage of the term 'girl' to describe Doctor McCoy humorous, that is not what I referring to. I was inquiring about the doctor's comment about you being realistic. Surely you have accepted the fact that this endeavor may not produce the knowledge of a cure for his illness."

"Never say never, Spock. It took humans decades, hell, even centuries to find cures for a lot of fatal diseases but none of them ever gave up just because the odds were against them. Trust me, if I have to tear this universe another black hole trying to find a cure, I will. I've got to, Spock, because I _refuse_ to watch Bones die. It's not even an option for me at this point."

Spock seemed to mull this over as they reached the building he had indicated. It only took twenty minutes to locate the source of the energy, an animatronic child's toy. As they stepped back into the glare of the systems dual suns, Spock did a quick sweep of the area, leading him in the direction of the new reading.

"Have you considered the possibility that Starfleet will not allow the continued use of the _Enterprise_ in such a personal manner? The admiralty was indeed willing to overlook the fact that you essentially stowed away on board the ship, given the fact that your unauthorized presence proved to be beneficial in the long run, but this might be a task in which they could not, in good conscience, approve of."

Jim stopped short and glared at the Vulcan.

"If Uhura had been the one infected instead of Bones, don't tell me that you wouldn't do everything in your power to cure her, that you wouldn't want to exhaust every possible means available to you. Wouldn't you have any kind of hope in saving her, no matter what you had to do or what anyone said to the contrary, including Starfleet? To fly in the face of regulations if it meant saving someone that you love?"

There were a few moments of intense silence as Jim watched Spock ponder the question.

"I am sorry. I had not considered this predicament in that light. On Vulcan…" Spock hesitated for the briefest of moments at the mention of his lost plant, "When death was an absolute certainty, logic dictated we not linger on false hopes and instead find solace in making the last days of the ill peaceful and comfortable. The mere thought of doing the same for Nyota is quite disheartening and I would not relish the notion of giving up on her so easily."

"That must be the human part of you peeking through." Kirk gave him a sturdy clap on the back and laughed. "There may be some hope for you yet!"

That eyebrow arched again and Kirk held up his hands in a placating gesture.

" _Captain Kirk_!"

Jim's communicator sounded loudly from his pocket and he dug it out quickly.

"Chekov, did you find something?"

" _Aye, sir, we found a working terminal_!"

 

* * *

 

Bones sat down on an outcropping of rubble and pulled out his trusty flask, taking a deep breath to try easing the tension headache working its way slowly to a full blown migraine. The combination of grueling heat, wet behind the ears ensigns and the nasty little bugger trying its damndest to kill him was beginning to take its toll. He wondered if he was this wiped out after only a few weeks, how bad it could get when his year was up.

The Eridian who'd given him the disease had seemed to be doing all right, the gaping lethal phaser wound on his back aside. Then he remembered the Eridani planet was something akin to a paradise in its topography, which is why that stupid mediation summit had been called in the first place. Good clean living probably helped the poor bastard live a somewhat normal life up until the end.

Something completely unlike the life he led as a 'Fleet doctor. The crazy hours running around sickbay stitching people up left and right, keeping someone like James Kirk as a long time bed partner, and traipsing around godforsaken planets on wild goose chases. He might eventually have to give up the position of chief medical officer as the disease progressed and that thought scared him more than the many others he'd had lately. Bones liked to think he was a damn good doctor, one who could work through anything and the thought of roaming the ship's halls in a fit of walking death instead of doing the thing he loved more than anything -besides Jim of course- because of some stupid virus was shattering.

The doctor was pulled from his thoughts by Sulu taking a place beside him, using the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off his brow with a sigh.

"In my professional opinion, you might want to keep yourself properly hydrated, what with the twin suns beating down on us like this. In fact, with those two raging balls of death, you'll need to double your water intake every hour to stave off the effects of dehydration. The hallucinations alone will kill you faster than the suns will."

Sulu snorted derisively and pulled a canteen from his pack. "I've never been one to disobey a doctor's orders, even if he doesn't follow them himself." He indicated the small silver flask Bones was holding with a wave of his hand and took a deep pull from the canteen.

"A daily dose of medication from my very own private collection. Classic bourbon vintage."

"You do realize that alcohol is the _worst_ possible thing to drink when stuck in a desert climate, right?"

"Don't worry, kid, I know better than to drink on the job. It's just a nervous habit of mine, this stupid old thing." He shook the flask, sloshing around the liquid inside. "It was an anniversary present from my wife, you know. Probably wasn't the smartest move on her part, considering she blamed the divorce on my supposed 'habit', amongst all the other things I apparently did wrong."

"So why didn't you get rid of it when you left for the Academy? Surely the captain wouldn't like you keeping something like around now that you two are together."

McCoy glared daggers at Sulu for the second time that day. "It's got sentimental value, okay? A reminder of much happier times."

"But aren't you happier now?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? You _do_ know why we're out here?"

"Happier now with the captain, I mean. Even if it does have some sentimental value to you, it still represents a bad chapter in your life. You just said so yourself, even though it was a gift, it still reminds you of your divorce, however indirectly. Since you've moved on with your life and are dating Kirk now, keeping that trinket around seems redundant. And if it's about not having something to carry your booze around in, I'm sure the captain would get you a new one, once we find your cure. In the grand scheme of things, it'd be a simple request and a symbol of your new relationship, without any bad memories attached to it."

Narrowing his eyes, Bones gave Sulu an assessing glance. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-nine, sir."

"You shouldn't be that damn wise until you're even older than I am."

"You still haven't answered my question."

Bones pursed his lips and slowly rotated the flask with his fingers. "Yeah, I am. Happy, that is. Even though he's a bigger pain in my goddamn ass than the harpy I used to call a wife ever was. At least he's worth it. A foul-mouthed, arrogant little shit, and young. _Too_ damn young..."

Sulu chuckled at his words, but his smirk quickly dropped away when he saw the look on the doctor's face. "Sorry, you were trying to be serious."

"No, what is so goddamned funny that you would interrupt a moment of deep reflection, _lieutenant_?"

"It's just… your mouth is worse than the captain's. Sir." Sulu tacked on the honorific at the last minute, remembering that despite their familiarity and current conversation, McCoy still outranked him.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you were probably a little drunk at the time, but that day you were screaming at the captain in the hall, I'm fairly certain you used some colorful phrases even _he'd_ never heard of, though they're now pretty popular among the rest of the crewmen."

"Great, now I'm responsible for damaging the fragile sensibilities of the crew on top of _this_ mess." He motioned vaguely at the planet with both hands, the liquid in his flask sloshing around some more.

" _Captain Kirk_!"

The sound of the communicator on his hip startled him slightly and Bones tried to disguise it by rubbing his head like the sound was causing him pain.

" _Chekov, did you find something_?"

" _Aye, sir, we found a working terminal_!"

 

* * *

 

Miles above them, Scotty was cursing loudly, borrowing words from a certain foul-mouthed doctor as multiple requests came in simultaneously for him to transport them all to Chekov's location immediately.

 

* * *

 

Jim and Bones stood shoulder to shoulder, watching as Spock and Chekov leaned over the terminal, trying to determine the subroutine that held the data file they were looking for.

"If we do zat, there is a chance we would overload the system. The station hasn't been used in ten thousand years! I'm shocked we didn't blow it up when we svitched it on."

"We already know the element their technology is based on is sound, ensign. There is no need to worry."

" _Wait_!"

Spock hit a sequence of command buttons as Chekov stood there looking on in horror. When nothing drastic happened, Spock managed a modicum of a smile, causing Chekov to glance down in chagrin. Kirk nudged Bones lightly and tilted his head away from the large gathering. Stepping out of earshot, Kirk slapped on his best shit-eating grin.

"Told you we'd find something."

"I wouldn't break out the champagne just yet. Even if they manage to sift through all that data, it would still take time to synthesize a vaccine and test it out. It's not a common medical practice to go injecting people with unknown chemicals all willy-nilly. I'd have to test it out first. The Fabrini genetic makeup could be vastly different from humans and I'd have to change the genetic markers-"

Jim silenced his rambling with a kiss. Pulling away after several seconds, he locked eyes with Bones.

"It doesn't matter. None of that stuff will take a year to do! You're going to be fine. Can't you at least be happy in knowing that?"

Bones narrowed his eyes, not breaking his gaze from those crystal blue pools as he contemplated his words. Deciding, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his flask, deftly chucked it into the large piles of rubble surrounding them.

Jim's jaw dropped in shock and he stared at Bones in confusion. "Wasn't that from your wife?"

"And? I don't want that one anymore. I guess you're just going to have to buy me new one once we get to a planet with actual civilization. And yes, I can be."

"Can be what?"

Bones returned the kiss quickly and turned to head back to the group, Jim moving into step next to him.

"I can be happy knowing that _you_ will be the death of me, not this thing inside me."

"Uh... Doctor McCoy, you are not going to be happy about zis."

Whipping his head around, Bones stared at the young kid shuffling around nervously in front of him. Without a word, Chekov handed Bones a padd with the Fabrini medical files downloaded onto it. He read the text, gaze darkening as he took in each line.

"The Fabrini scientists _did_ manage to find a cure for xenopolycythemia. But it was never implemented on its citizens because..." Bones hesitated for a moment as the familiar weight of reality settled around him once more, "the procedure was deemed a cruel and unusual torture."


	4. The Promise of Another Tomorrow

The silence in sickbay was more deafening to all present than the sound of the multitude of screaming voices had been just a few moments ago. Spock, who had calmly remained quiet throughout the argument the other crew members were having, finally stepped forward as the captain and the doctor argued back and forth, telling them both, essentially, to shut up. Once everyone was silent and able to reflect on how irrational their behavior had been, Spock pointed to McCoy, indicating that he would be allowed to speak.

"Good to know I'm not the only one in this room refraining from showing off their massive stupidity. Now, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted…" Bones cast an annoyed glare at Jim, who responded in kind, crossing his arms across his chest as he waited impatiently for the doctor to finish speaking.

"The science behind this vaccine is sound, there is no arguing that, or no more than we already have. There is no possible way the Fabrini doctors could have messed something of this magnitude up and there is nothing I can do to change it. Not without running the risk of potentially rendering the vaccine ineffective. If there was a way to do so, _they_ would have figured it out. We just have to accept the fact that this is _too_ dangerous to go through with."

Spock rotated on his heel to face Jim, motioning for him to go ahead.

"Even if the procedure is considered to be _torture_ , the doctors didn't say anything about it being fatal to the patient! I think that being in a little pain is worth being alive in the long run."

Bones' eyes widened in shock and anger. Violently brushing past Spock, he came face to face with Jim, their noses nearly brushing together. "A little pain? _A little pain?_   Were you even paying attention to what we were talking about before you blew up and tried to stick your two cents in? Think of the most painful experience you've _ever_ had in your life and _quadruple_ it. Then go through it about ten more times for three hours a day. This cure basically kills your blood cells, choking the life out of every major organ in the process before replacing the dead platelets with healthy ones.

"Not _only_ that, but it's slow going for this thing. The doctor who wrote the report we found said their subjects spent those three long hours screaming themselves hoarse in agony while receiving the vaccine. After the first treatment, they all said they'd rather die than go through it again. That's why they deemed it a torture and buried the research. And this is what you want _me_ to go through? If death is the more humane course of action, I'll accept that over this so-called cure."

Jim pressed the tips of his fingers on Bones' chest and pushed him back a few paces.

"And apparently, _you_ weren't paying attention when I said there is absolutely no proof this thing is lethal." He said, his voice almost sinister in its evenness. "You would survive the drug treatments, no matter how bad it is, and right now, you living is the _only_ thing at matters to me."

"Dammit, Jim, humans have a different genetic makeup than the Fabrini! I'd have to alter the RNA sequence of the drug and it could potentially _kill_ me within twenty minutes of the first injection! And even if it doesn't, they were never able to document the full scope of the drug's effects since their test subjects refused further treatment, so there's no telling if the full therapy is lethal!"

"So run the little tests you were talking about earlier and see for yourself before you give up completely. And if you're worried about the pain," he waved his hand around, toward the array of hyposprays Bones had set out on a tray near them, "just sedate yourself to dull the effects."

"It doesn't _work_ like that. Any sedative could possibly stop the drug from working correctly or make it worse, so that option is right out."

"Doctor, if I may interject."

Both Jim and Bones turned their heads to look at Spock, who was still carrying the visage of calm lucidity. They had almost forgotten he was there watching them fight and they had the good decency to look embarrassed.

"There is a Vulcan technique in which, during a mind-meld, I could siphon off a small amount of discomfort during your treatments. It would stop the effects of a system shock and stress from ceasing your life functions, if they were to occur at all."

Jim seemed to perk up at this suggestion, his anger seeping away quickly. " _Yes_! And we could all sit with you while you're undergoing the process, to help keep your mind off the pain."

He knew damn well that the crew of the _Enterprise_ were all willing to go above and beyond to save one of their own, and this time would be no different. But Bones apparently hadn't heard Jim, as he was too busy staring at Spock like he'd grown a second, even more aggravating head.

"You want to do a mind-meld… on _me_? You think I'd just _willingly_ let you go rooting around inside my skull? No, thank you. I'd rather be dropped off on some backwater planet to live out my final days in peace than _that_."

"If you are that worried about me seeing your personal thoughts, I would be more than happy to teach you a few blocking exercises before going through the meld. And I would never reveal anything I happened to see during our connection. That would be a most egregious violation of trust."

Bones still didn't look convinced but with everyone working against him, it seemed he didn't even have a choice in the matter, not with Jim all but bouncing around in glee at having him attempt the cure. He could refuse some more but that damned Russian kid seemed pretty smart and under captain's orders, he'd probably just go and try to make his own drug, which would be a _very_ bad thing. Genius or not, he was no doctor and McCoy just couldn't risk it because he knew Jim would do just that in order to spite him.

"All right, _fine_ , but just in case your stupid blocking thing doesn't work, if you come across anything related to my senior prom, you back right the hell off or I _will_ kill you." He squared his shoulders, trying to regain some semblance of control over the situation. "Now, get the hell out of my sickbay so I can get started on this goddamned drug."

 

* * *

 

Later that night, as Bones lay awake with Jim drooling on his chest, he thought about how had Jim kept refusing to give up on him. Or how he'd refused to allow him to give up on himself. It boggled the imagination how even after everything that had happened to the kid in his young life, he still strived to always see the good in people, and indeed, the positive in every situation. Even as he was kicking asses in a bar brawl or running from rampaging aliens, he never gave up on anyone he thought he could help. It's what allowed him to pick up the person he'd been fighting with to buy them a beer, and what allowed him to try to make peace with the aliens who'd previously been out for his blood.

That same persistence had woven its way into their friendship and eventually into their love life as they moved from casual sex to the tentative formation of being exclusive partners. When Bones had first recognized that he was in love with the damned fool, he'd almost broken off their relationship. Jim just couldn't keep his dick in his pants long enough to see how over the moon the doctor really was until he threatened to end it all, including their friendship, if he didn't stop.

Bones had outright decked Jim during that first big blowout, before storming off. Instead of going off to drown his sorrows in some green cadet, literally or figuratively, Jim had hunted him down, got down on his knees and confessed that he had known the doctor wanted something more serious for a long while, but was too damned scared of getting close to anything real, just to lose it. He then went on to say that if Bones stayed and agreed not to give up on him, he would do the same, for as long as he'd let him.

That part had always confused him, even to this day. What would have ever made Jim give up on him? He was the one who'd put his heart on the line, so soon after his divorce, and risked losing it all to another failed relationship. Needing some answers, Bones gently rolled his shoulder, trying to jar Jim awake. He just mumbled softly about waterbeds without waking up. Not to be discouraged, he lightly tapped Jim's cheek a few times with his fingertips but the bastard still refused to wake up.

Losing patience, he hardened his hand and smacked him firmly across the forehead. Instantly, Jim was up and looking around in confusion. "Oh, you're up." Bones said innocently.

"Uhrm…"

"What did you mean when you said you wouldn't give up on me?"

Jim blinked dumbly at him, his sleep addled brain unable to connect the dots. "Uh, could you be a little more specific there?"

"Years ago, when I said I was calling it quits and you convinced me to stick around to try and make it work, you said that you wouldn't give up me, if I didn't give up on you."

Rubbing his eyes with his fingers, Jim groaned, flopping his head back down on the pillow. "Oh, _that_... I said that because back then, you would look for _any_ small excuse to be miserable. If you got a mark below perfect on your exams, you'd threaten to leave the Academy before they could take the pleasure in kicking you out. If someone turned you down, you would mope for days, complaining about how you were doomed to die alone. Shit, the only reason I propositioned you in the first place was to make you feel better about yourself and make you quit being such a drama queen."

"The _only_ reason?" He arched an eyebrow at Jim.

"The point being, if you were willing to stay with me while I got over my fears of commitment, then I could keep trying to make you see how truly wonderful you are and how happy you could be, even if you refused to admit it."

Bones' smiled deeply and began slowly kissing his way across Jim's shoulder. Jim lazily stretched his arms over Bones' back, running his hands over every part of his lover he could reach. McCoy turned his face to press briefly against Jim's, flicking his tongue over his lover's lips, fingers trailing down Jim's chest, sliding across his hips to dip under the blanket. Bones' touch was intimately familiar and firm as he stared down into Jim's eyes. "The _only_ reason?" He asked again cheekily.

Afterwards, their quarters filled with a profound silence after the din of their lovemaking, Bones felt himself growing drowsy. He wrapped himself around Jim, clutching at him possessively.

Before sleep finally pulled him under, he heard Jim whisper in his ear. "Definitely _not_ the only reason."

 

* * *

 

Over the next week, Bones worked tirelessly on resequencing the genetic markers and testing out the Fabrini drug. When he wasn't monitoring the responses in his lab animals closely, he was with Spock, learning about mental blocking, which he later told Kirk was an exercise in futility, as every time the Vulcan told him the walls he was building up were weak, he imagined beating his pointy-eared head into said walls.

Jim just laughed at him and asked him pleasantly to not mentally beat his first officer's ass too badly, as he was quite necessary for the ship to function like a well-oiled machine.

Finally, after several more weeks of testing and research, when he was able to determine the drug was safe as it could be for humans, he called Jim and Spock to his quarters. He solemnly handed them both a hypospray, leather restraining straps and a thick bite plate.

As Spock meditated quietly in a corner in preparation for what was to come, Jim and Bones set about tying the straps down securely to their bed, dimming the lights and stripping the bed down so the sheets wouldn't get ruined. Sighing at the sight of their quarters set up for torture, Bones laid down on the mattress, eyes on Jim as he slipped his hands and feet into the cuffs, securing them tightly, but not so much that they would cut off his circulation.

"Never thought this would be how I would end up getting to tie you down." The joke was forced and they both knew it, but neither of them saw any reason to point it out.

Once he was ready, Spock stood up, carefully making his way over to the bed. "I need you to clear your mind of all thoughts and focus on your breathing."

It took a few minutes for Bones to get the rhythm right and when he felt his heartbeat slow, he nodded. Closing his eyes, he heard Jim drag a chair over to the bed. A hand closed over his own a few seconds later. The sting of the hypospray burned on his neck and he gripped Jim firmly as he felt the drug race through his veins. At first, nothing happened, other than a sensation of lightheadedness. For one brief moment, Bones entertained the notion that maybe the treatment wouldn't be so bad, before the sensation of pins and needles washed over him, increasing exponentially as it spread from his head down, making his limbs go numb.

Sweat began to bead on his brow as his stomach clenched painfully. The urge to curl up on himself had him tugging at the restraints, testing their resiliency with all his might. Crying out as felt his blood start to boil in his veins, Bones thrashed about wildly, lifting his body off the bed with a violent arch of his spine. Every inch of his body was in absolute agony, and his brain screamed at him to shake free of his bonds so he could make it all stop. His heart pounded in his chest, lungs fighting to gulp in air, which made the room spin around crazily as excess oxygen flooded his system. He then felt an explosion rip through his skin. Bones thought having all five layers of his dermis flayed off slowly and sadistically would hurt less than what he was currently experiencing.

"FUCK!"

The bite plate was forced into his mouth, before the cool press of probing fingers settled on his temple and cheek. Suddenly, McCoy was inside his own head, an image of Spock standing in front of him. The blinding pain still raged through him and he felt the detached sensation of his legs kicking out uselessly. Suddenly, the pain went from the feeling of daggers being thrust into him again and again to a skull splitting anguish.

 _'I thought you said this would take away the pain_.'

 _'It has, but as you stated, it is so great that this is all I can do for you without harming myself as well_.'

 _'Wonderful. Are you going to be able to maintain the meld for three hours_?'

 _'Unfortunately not, but I can hold on for most of it_.'

A roaring sound filled his ears as he felt the blood rapidly rushing through him, running from the vaccine like frightened children from a boogeyman. His diaphragm seized as oxygen became harder to funnel through his shriveling veins. It felt like his chest was being crushed, his lungs burning from the oxygen deprivation, despite his hysterical gasping and panting. A strangled shout was ripped from his throat and he felt that ever present hand grip him tighter.

 _'I see many walls around your memories. You have been practicing_.'

 _'Like I said, senior prom_.'

 _'Indeed. Are there any memories you would not mind me viewing_?'

 _'I thought you said you wouldn't go traipsing around in my head_.'

 _'Not without your permission but it helps to suppress the pain if you focus on a particularly fond recollection to distract yourself_.'

Suddenly, an image flashed up of him graduating from med school, smiling with his would-be ex-wife as her mother snapped holos of the two of them and few of his friends, whose names he couldn't even remember. The shooting torment did recede slightly and Bones searched for another memory he thought was suitable for sharing. Sifting through his many long years, he happened upon an image of Jim and himself in the throes of wild make-up sex and he quickly threw the walls up on that one.

' _Sorry about that. A lot of my happier memories revolve around him anymore_.'

' _I am not offended, doctor. Quite the opposite, in fact. Personal intimacy is quite normal for any healthy relationship. And I do believe Nyota once referred to your relationship with the captain as "being cute"_.'

 _'Of course she did. Still, I'll try to keep a lid on those. That one just came up because that was the night we had a huge fight and he finally agreed to quite whoring around. That definitely ended up being a good night._ '

Spock just raised an eyebrow and waited for Bones to bring up the next image.

Outside, Jim watched as the thrashing seemed to calm down a bit, though Bones was still tugging at the straps fruitlessly. Every now and again, a miserable moan would escape his parched lips, his skin flushing with all the blood rising to the surface of his skin. Jim brought up his free hand to run it softly through Bones' dark hair but quickly pulled it back when it caused him to mutely cry out. He then remembered that skin was an organ, one that would start to suffer as the vaccine ran its course and he thought about unclenching their joined hands but he didn't want Bones to think he was abandoning him.

He just sat back, watching in anguish as his lover's body began to tremble with the wracking pain, and he prayed that the three hours would be over swiftly.


	5. In My Deepest Despair

**Five days later...**

 

Uhura rushed out of the captain's quarters, cries of torment following her abrupt exit. The door whooshed shit, cutting off the horrible sound and she took a deep refreshing breath, attempting to clear her head. She failed miserably though, for try as she might to get rid of it, the image of McCoy strapped down to a bed while writhing in agony would forever be burned into her memory.

She had heard the rumors of people being able to hear McCoy's shrieks two decks away but hadn't thought that it was possible, what with the super thick hull keeping them from the vacuum of space. Now she knew differently, that it wasn't just hyperbole spread by gossiping crew members. She could _still_ hear muffled shouting from where she stood several yards down the curved corridor. The doors sounded behind her several minutes later, footsteps coming closer before a hand came to rest on her shoulder.

"Are you going to be all right, Nyota?"

Turning around, Uhura tried to smile but found she couldn't, knowing if it didn't even fool her, it certainly wouldn't work to reassure the Vulcan.

"I'll be okay, I just needed to come out here to get some fresh air."

"The air currently being ventilated into the corridors is the same in the captain's quarters, as indeed it is throughout the entire ship."

"I know, Spock, it's just a phrase." She pressed a hand to her forehead, her thoughts a confused jumble. "The truth is… I just couldn't stand to be in there any longer. How can the captain keep doing this every day, watching McCoy suffer like that?"

"The motivations behind the captain's actions are numerous and contradictory, however, in this instance, he appears to be driven by love for the doctor. And his presence does seem to make a difference inside Doctor McCoy's mind. Is this not an action of solace you would take were I struck with such an illness?"

Uhura made a tutting sound, closing the distance between them to cup Spock's face in her hands, locking their gazes together.

"Of course I would, without hesitation. But it would kill me to see you like that, in pain, knowing I could nothing to stop it. I would still be there for you, though, no matter what." Spock nodded slightly at her words and Uhura knew he was comforted by them, even when he didn't show it. "I know you would do the same for me, too, but that doesn't mean it isn't an _awful_ thing to witness. No one should have to go through that..." Uhura trailed off, not even wanting to imagine their situations reversed, with Spock the one strapped to a bed, a disease ravaging his body. "Speaking of, shouldn't you be getting back in there to help him?"

Grasping her hands in his, Spock swept his fingers gently over Uhura's. "Unfortunately, I have reached the apex of my ability to remove his discomfort for today. I had thought the captain would be back from his mission long before now to sit with the doctor before the fatigue set in. His presence seems to relax him in my absence."

"Knowing Kirk, he's probably ass deep in trouble and loving every minute of it. You really should check in with the bridge. And I should get back to Doctor McCoy, so he doesn't think we abandoned him." Squeezing their fingers together one last time, Uhura reluctantly let her lover depart.

Watching Spock leave, Uhura braced herself for the next tasking hour ahead of her, taking in a deep, centering breath before making her way back into the room, the tortured screams enveloping around her as the door closed swiftly behind her.

Vaguely, McCoy felt a cool hand slip into his own, the smooth silk of Uhura's skin and he knew, even around the suffering his body was going through, that Jim had not come back. That thought scared him more than the virus coursing through his veins because he couldn't be there to help Jim if he needed it. Gripping onto the hand tightly, he prayed that Jim was all right.

 

* * *

 

"You know, your boss may have a bedside manner reminiscent of medieval inquisitors but his technique is _much_ gentler. You could really learn something from him. 'Cause he does this for me all the time and never once have I been afraid that he'd rip the damn thing off."

Nurse Chapel just glared at the coy smirk aimed at her as she roughly positioned Jim's arm, manipulating the limb back into the proper position, causing him to yell out sharply. Once she saw the joint pop back into place, she released her grip carefully. She then picked up a hypospray and jammed it into his neck, eliciting another yelp before she turned her back on Jim with a courteous smile, sauntering back to the nurse's station.

"Captain, I think it'd be wise to be a little nicer to the nurses around here. At least then you wouldn't have to be scared of them."

Jim barked out a laugh, glancing at Sulu, who was seated across from him on a biobed, a red sheet of blood dripping down his face from a cut above his eyebrow.

"I was just teasing. It's not my fault Bones surrounded himself with a humorless staff. You know... people _just_ like him."

"The jocular proclivities of Doctor McCoy's nursing staff aside, perhaps you could focus on how you managed to incite a peaceful tribe into such a state that they would try to kill you, along with the rest of the away team."

Kirk blushed and turned his head away from Spock, running a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture.

Sensing how embarrased he was, Sulu spoke for him. "The captain, not understanding the particularly religious mentality of the Ajani people, grabbed the leader's daughter's hand and kissed it." He mimed the archaic motion of paying deference to female royalty. "It was then that we learned the young lady was in fact Icon for the 'goddess that led them to the stars', and as such, had been untouched by a man. Under their law, the captain's life became forfeit."

Kirk felt more than he saw that damned Vulcan eyebrow rise in his direction and all the incredulity contained in the gesture. "How was I supposed to know? She was just standing there and they didn't exactly go out of their way to make it known that she wasn't allowed to be touched! Besides, if it was meant to be _my_ life, then why did they go after all of us?"

"With their inclusion in the away team, it may have been viewed that they were just as guilty as you for the act, but you would have not put their lives in danger had you not felt the need to be lascivious toward everyone you come across."

"Hey! It's not like I was trying to put the moves on her! I was just... showing a beautiful woman some appreciation."

"No matter your intentions, innocent though they-"

"Cut the damn kid a break, you green-blooded troll."

All heads turned to see Bones enter Sickbay with Uhura close at his side, his eyes sunken in and his gait unsteady.

"Yelling at him for being an idiot is one thing and even I'd help you with _that_ argument, but there is no use in berating him because of his particular perversions. It all goes right in one ear and quickly out the other."

Jim jumped up off the bed but stopped short when Bones waved a hand at him.

"Don't go treating me like I'm going to break. I do in fact know how to walk, been doing it my whole life. Just these stupid treatments make me lightheaded."

Bones made his way over to Nurse Chapel, exchanging a few muted words before taking her tricorder and walking over to Sulu to scan his head wound. Once he was finished, he picked up a dermal regenerator, using it to close up the cut neatly. He then washed the blood from his face with gauze treated with a universal antibacterial. Assuring the lieutenant that he was going to live, Bones cleared Sulu for duty and dismissed him.

Seeing what had been in McCoy's head during their recent mind-meld, Spock followed Sulu out of sickbay with the barest of nods to the captain and the doctor. The doors shut behind them and Jim turned his brightest smile towards Bones, who just looked back at him blankly.

"You're dismissed too."

Jim blinked and scrunched up his face. "What the hell is the supposed to mean?"

"It means you're _dismissed._ "

Before Jim could respond, Bones turned his back on him and walked away, disappearing into his office. Picking up on the hint, Jim stalked out of sickbay, confused and hurt at being given the cold shoulder.

 

* * *

 

It was Jim's turn to brood in the darkened corner of his quarters, staring intently at Bones as he entered hours later, sighing heavily before disappearing into the lavatory. The sounds of retching emanated from the stall moments later, going on an uncomfortably long time. Jim felt his anger slowly start to seep away as he listened to his lover be sick, remembering the toll the drugs were taking on him, along with the daily head trips he was taking with Spock.

A beam of light spilled into the room when the door opened again, Bones killing the lights with a hoarse command. With the room dark, he carefully made his way over to the bed, crawling onto the mattress with a relieved groan. Jim didn't even get to use the element of surprise as Bones turned his head to look directly at Jim.

"You're stealing my moves, kid. Didn't your mother teach you it's wrong to steal from the elderly?"

"There might have been something in her many life lessons but I wasn't really known for paying any attention to them."

"I'm beginning to realize that."

"Dammit, Bones, what the hell crawled up your ass?"

"Well, for starters, certainly not you! And in case you've forgotten, I've spent the better part of a week of having my body killed without the benefit of _actually_ dying while you're out getting fresh with the 'new lifeforms and new civilizations'. And oh yeah, of the six treatments I've had so, you've been there a grand total of two times because you _suddenly_ have more important things to do. Which seems just a touch odd considering you told me that we'd go through all of this together."

Jim found himself glad that he was partially hidden in shadow as his cheeks burned with shame. He knew that he'd been avoiding Bones' treatment sessions since the last one, where he watched his lover struggle against the restraining straps so violently, he broke the skin and discolored blood had spilled hotly from his wrists and ankles. Spock had broken the mind-meld in attempt to help him stop Bones from bleeding out and the howl that ripped through his vocal chords would haunt Jim to the grave.

Since that night, Jim had made sure he was needed on the bridge, busy with reports, or in the case of that day, including on the away mission, because he never wanted to see Bones like that ever again. He had hoped that his subterfuge wouldn't be discovered by the doctor, but he should have known better than to think Bones couldn't see right through him. Moving from the chair, he went over to kneel by the bed, taking Bones' hand in his own.

"Look, I know I'm a screw-up and a bad boyfriend and you have _every_ right to hate me but I am so sorry." With his free hand, Jim scrubbed his face roughly, letting out a hard breath. "I just _can't_ keep seeing you in agony. It was breaking my heart..." He trailed off softly, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "I told you I would be by your side every step of the way, but that was before I saw what the drug does to you. It's like watching you _die_ and I..."

"How do you think it is on my end? Enduring the worst sort of torture imaginable, day in and day out, while my supposedly caring boyfriend is out flirting with the natives because he can't bear to look at me. Who is afraid touch me, even just for comfort, because he thinks I'm glass."

Kirk dropped his head on the mattress and mentally berated himself for being so selfish, for running to save himself from his own pain, when he should have been thinking of what Bones was going through.

"Don't get me wrong, I _know_ how you are. Being a goddamned flirt is in your nature, and I don't begrudge you that because I know it's just flirting. I know who you come home to, but there's a time and a place for it, Jim, and when I _needed_ you, you weren't here."

Bones watched Jim lift his head, his breath stolen away as he saw his cheeks shining with tears. James Kirk _never_ cried. His eyes would water when having the life choked out of him or after a shot of alien liquor but he never shed tears out of sorrow or joy. In a life spent being judged from his father's long shadow or his long list of criminal offenses, being seen as weak would only hurt him more, especially given his rapid advancement to captain. It was awful the way he bottled things up, but he'd gotten smarter at finding outlets for his emotions, beyond just sex, and Bones had learned to accept it as just another aspect of the whirlwind that was his lover.

Still, to see him crying, he knew this whole ordeal had struck a nerve, one Jim probably didn't even know he had. It was his first serious, long-term relationship, after all, and tumultuous as it had been the past several weeks, it had to be unearthing all sorts of issues Jim had never had to deal with before. Bones was an old hat at it, having been married before, but throwing a life or death situation into the mix was something altogether new for both of them. But instead of dealing with it like adults, they'd responded to adversity by reverting back to their natural states, Jim using his charms on anything with a pulse, while he had fallen back into his curmudgeonly ways.

Using their connected hands as leverage, Bones yanked Jim onto the bed, squeezing him tight as he laid gentle kisses on his face and lips. He refused to let him go, to throw away everything they had together, because neither of them had been able to properly deal emotionally with the enormity of the situation they were in. It all went back to Jim's promise, that they shouldn't give up on one another, not even when they were at their worst.

Jim whispered _I'm sorry_ between each kiss. Cradling Bones in his arms, he carded calloused fingers through his dark hair as their lips met, parted, and met again. "Tell me what I have to do to make this up to you. Anything at all and it's yours."

"I have four more treatments and then I'm done. I don't care if a damn intergalactic war breaks out and you are the only one who can make peace between the factions. I want you to be there for them."

"Done." Jim replied succinctly, squaring his shoulders to show Bones he was more than ready to man up.

"Good. Because if I was forced to hold Chekov's sweaty palms one more time, I might've had to hurt you. That kid really needs to loosen up."

A chuckle rang out through the room. "I'll be sure to make a note of that. Anything else while you can still order me around?"

"Yes, shut up so we can get some sleep, because I am fucking exhausted."


	6. I Will Never Let You Part

"I'm still waiting."

"Sorry 'bout that, captain, but we seem ta be havin' some problems gettin' a lock on yer location. Chekov said somethin' 'bout the atmospheric conditions interfering with the transporter before he ran outta here."

"Scotty, you know I love you, but if you make me later than I already am, I'll bust your ass back down to ensign _so_ fast, you'll need Chekov to chase down your warp trail."

"Oh, captain... I'd be afraid of if I actually thought ya meant that. Where would ya be now if it weren't for my engineering genius and mental prowess when it comes ta the transporter systems?"

"Can you at least _act_ like you're a little scared?"

"Right, sir, I'll get right on that."

The snicker that sounded over the comm was drowned out by Chekov rushing back into the transporter bay, breathing heavily as he ran to Scotty's station to quickly input the new data and coordinates into the computer. After he stepped back, Scotty energized the system, the familiar faint red glow filling the bay as Kirk's profile reatomized before them. The hum of the equipment died down and once again solid, Kirk jumped of the pad with a laugh, looking between Chekov and Scotty.

"Well, gentlemen, it seems your ranks are still safe for now. Guess that's the last time I go planetside before a red giant polarizes the atmosphere."

"Sir, with all due respect, zats not _exactly_ what caused the malfunction…"

Stepping in between the two men, Jim clapped them both on the shoulders and looked directly at Chekov. "I know Chekov, but the big scientific descriptors and me don't really mix. Too many consonants for someone like me. Just because I can concisely explain what's going on down to the last variable doesn't mean I like mangling the terminology. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a doctor's visit."

Watching the captain exit the bay, Scotty turned to Chekov and they both burst out laughing.

"Ah, god love him but he is so whipped!"

 

* * *

 

Jim hurried into his quarters, an apology on his lips when he saw Sulu and Spock leaning over Bones as they strapped him down securely to the bed. Bones leaned his head up to look at him, a smirk forming on his lips.

"For a minute there, I thought you weren't going to make it."

"I made a promise, didn't I? Besides, I wouldn't miss your last treatment for all the Orion slave girls in the universe."

"Remind me again just exactly _why_ we are orbiting around Orion of all places."

"Someone in Starfleet let it slip about this cure you've synthesized and now everyone is clamoring for the data. We agreed to give them your specs before everyone else got a hold of it in exchange for some dilithium, along with some plasma cells and other supplies. I was just finalizing the deal when I realized I was going to be late. I think I may have offended the guy, but then again, all the Orion traders seem on edge."

"I'm sure Starfleet will be overjoyed to know about your little trade agreement." It was walking a dangerous line, but after their jaunt to the edges of the alpha quadrant, they were in desperate need of supplies, as the nearest starbase was still a few days away, even at maximum warp.

"Not if they don't hear about it. Loose lips sink ships, you know."

"It's a wonder this ship is still afloat with your gaping maw in control of it."

Jim's mouth dropped open at Bones' words and then quickly snapped it shut when Sulu choked back a snort at the sight he provided them all. Even Spock seemed to find it humorous, though they only knew because they'd all come to learn his many blank expressions by heart over the past several months.

"Well, are we going to stand around verbal copulating or are we going to get this whole thing over with?"

With a slide of his eyes, Jim dismissed Sulu, who seemed glad to get out of the room while he still had the chance. Jim then proceeded over to the bed to finish tying Bones down while Spock lit a few focusing candles and dimmed the interior lights. Pressing a quick kiss to Bones' lips, Jim leaned back to look the older man in the eyes before they closed, his breathing became slower.

"I love you."

"You too, kid."

Sliding the bite plate into his mouth, Jim left Bones' side to grab an empty chair and drag it over to the bed. Clasping their hands together, Jim watched as Spock injected Bones with the hypospray, before he sat down as well, both of them waiting for the drugs to take effect.

"I don't know if I mentioned this before but I can't thank you enough for doing this for Bones. It means a lot to the both of us."

Spock nodded slightly in acknowledgement. "Is that not, in fact, what friends are for?"

Jim smirked. "Uhura's been teaching you some phrases, huh?"

A garbled moan and Bones' hand tightening in Jim's brought both their attentions back to the task before them. Spock's fingers rose to Bones' face and with a practiced gesture, he began the mind-meld.

' _So I guess this is the last time we'll be taking one of the cranium tours, huh_?'

' _One would think that you'd be more enthused about that prospect, but from your tone, it seems that you are experiencing sadness instead_.'

' _Believe me, I'm very happy that this is all going to be over with, for many reasons… but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been kind of nice in here with you_.'

' _It would not be untrue of me to express the same sentiment. It has been pleasant getting to understand you better and to see the life of a human in his youth_.'

' _I knew you'd like that, since you never got to visit Earth as a kid with your mother_.'

' _It was most generous of you. She often spoke of the places she visited with great fondness_.'

' _So what do you want to see this time? I think I can call up the summer camp I went to when I was thirteen. That technique you showed me in recalling lost memories let me remember the time I hit this home run in the ninth inning. We still lost the game but it was still one heck of a hit_.'

' _I am glad that you are practicing with that, given what I saw the first time I showed it to you_.'

' _Yeah, the night my wife miscarried was pretty bad. My boozing after didn't help either of us get over it, but it did sort of lead to the divorce and it if it hadn't of happened, I never would have met Jim the way I did. Different strokes to move the world, as they say_.'

' _Indeed. Now I believe you mentioned a baseball game_.'

' _Smooth change of topic there, sport. Right, let's see what I can bring up_.'

 

* * *

 

Jim rubbed his free hand over his face and leaned back in his chair. An hour or so had passed by uneventfully and Jim was ashamed to admit he was getting bored, the earlier adrenaline rush having worn off, the soft heat from the candles not helping the matter any. He knew that Spock would reach his limit in the next half hour or so, but the Vulcan wasn't exactly known for his conversation skills and would be poor company as they waited out the last of Bones' treatment.

Forcing himself to focus, Jim sat upright in his chair, gripping Bones' hand tighter. He busied himself with thoughts of how he and the doctor would spend his recovery period. Lewd images flashed before his eyes of a healthy Bones lounging naked on the bed, just waiting for Jim to defile every inch of his body. They'd not been together since his first treatment, Jim afraid of exhausting Bones beyond his limits after the grueling sessions.

Lost as he was in his own mind, it took a full minute for him to notice Spock's posture straighten up and Bones' hand to go lax in his. Spock turned a troubled eye to Jim and he instantly knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" He asked, starting to panic. "You're usually in his mind for longer than this."

"His thought processes suddenly shut down and it broke our connection."

It was then that Jim noticed Bones' taut form was no longer thrashing around on the bed, the plaintive cries that had once been filling the room now leaving behind an overwhelming silence. Kneeling over his prone form, Jim brought two fingers to Bones' neck, frantically searching for a pulse. Finding no signs of life, Jim pushed himself up off the bed and rushed over to the comm.

"I need medical officers to the captain's quarters _immediately_!"

Turning back to look at Bones, Jim really wished he'd paid more attention to his basic field medic courses. Bones' lips were starting to turn a light shade of blue and he couldn't remember a thing from his classic resuscitation lessons, other than if you didn't tilt the head just right, you'd do more harm than good.

"Spock, I don't know what to do."

It was the longest minute of Jim's life, just standing there watching his lover slowly die before the medical team finally burst into the room, pushing Jim and Spock aside. They crowded around the bed, calling out orders as they injected their boss with hyposprays of epinephrine, desperately trying to stimulate his heart into beating once more. One of the doctors bent over and began chest compressions while the others raced set up their equipment, and the poor guy was almost head-butted unexpectedly by Bones. He shot up off the bed, dragging in heaving breaths of air while glancing around wildly at the shocked faces around him. There was a beat of silence before he began tugging fruitlessly at his bonds.

Jim almost passed out from relief at Bones' sudden revival and he had to support himself against the wall as the medical officers buzzed around him, tricorders out as they checked him for any damage to his brain or heart. Clearing him of danger, they released his hands and feet from the straps, while telling him to be careful, to which he responded that he was in fact a licensed doctor, that he knew the signs of latent trauma and they could just shut it.

When they all cleared out, Bones glanced at Spock and Jim in turn, then down at his hands, where he started to massage the sore tissue where the leather had rubbed the skin raw.

" _Huh_. I didn't actually think the drug would have that reaction on humans..."

Jim stared down at Bones incredulously. "You mean to tell us that you flat-lining was a _possibility_? Why didn't you say anything?!"

"If you had even bothered to read my findings, you would have known that at the end of my drug trials, my test animals were momentarily dead before all system functions restarted."

"He is correct, captain. The report did state that a temporary cessation of life did occur during the final portion of the trials, though the possibility of it occurring in higher life forms was slim at best."

Jim rounded on Spock. " _Not_ helping."

He turned back to Bones, pointing a stern finger at him. "You _of all people_ should have known that I would glance over all that medical jargon and skip to the part where the drug could be implemented safely."

"And here I thought that even you would pause to look at the word _death_ in the big easy to read letters."

"Spock, could you please leave so that I might kill my chief medical officer without any witnesses?"

Spock just glanced between them like they were both mildly psychotic but did as he told when he saw the look on McCoy's face. "Before I leave, I would like to thank you for showing me the baseball game, doctor, along with all your other memories. It was... fascinating."

Bones smirked, though he never broke his gaze with Jim. "Under better circumstances, we'll have to do it again sometime."

When the sound of the doors closing signaled Spock's departure, Jim pasted on his own smile.

"Making friends with the 'green-blooded troll' are we? Should I be jealous?"

"Considering the source, not really. Unless you want to make an ass of yourself while you mark your territory."

Unable to contain himself any longer, Jim lunged at Bones, hugging him like he'd never let go again. Dragging his lips over the shell of Bones' ear, Jim whispered softly to his lover.

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again. I'd be pissed if I had to travel to the afterlife just to kill you all over again myself for that little stunt."

"It's not my fault you have the attention span of a tribble. You might want to stop smothering me, otherwise I might die of suffocation before we can both live out long and healthy lives."

"Bones?"

He pushed Jim back so that he could gaze right into those impossibly blue eyes.

"Hmm?"

"I love you."


	7. For You Are Always In My Heart

**The next day...**

 

McCoy brought up an image on the display screen, then turned to face Jim, Spock and Uhura with a cocky smirk stretched widely across his face.

"As you can see, the xenopolycythemia cells have been completely eradicated. Of course, as with any disease, my immune system will carry the markers for the rest of my life, but I can say with all certainty that I am cured. Any lingering side effects will be gone in the next few days but other than that, I can go ahead and clear myself for duty as of now."

"I'm not sure that's exactly how it works, doctor, but I'm happy for you just the same."

Uhura stepped up to wrap her arms around Bones, who arched an eyebrow for a brief second before cautiously wrapping his arms around the linguist's lithe frame, hugging her back. Before he contracted xenopolycythemia, Bones tried to keep people at arm's length, only letting a precious few through slip through the cracks into his inner circle. Now, he realized that it was no longer an option. It had been the whole crew banding together, refusing to give up and helping in any way they could to make sure he stayed alive.

Like it or not, he'd become part of a family and part of that meant dropping some of the carefully placed walls he'd built up over the years. The first step had been letting that know-it-all pissant cadet worm his way into his heart, the second becoming closer to this crew than even some of his own flesh and blood. He was pretty sure, however, that family didn't hold on too long to another family member's girl.

Separating himself from Uhura, Bones tossed her a smile, which she returned in kind.

"Yes, well, as chief medical officer, I have an amazing staff full of people who are still a bit scared of me, including my senior medical officers, who will no doubt concur with my diagnosis. Now, if you will all be so kind, I have some work that was left behind for me to do because apparently, no one else could do it."

Jim knew what Bones was playing at, his team had picked up all the slack while he was sick but he could see the exhaustion creeping up on Bones. He'd spent most of the morning speaking with the heads of Starfleet Medical, as well as other members of the science field throughout the Federation, meticulously going over his findings, how to code the genetic markers to individual species, properly administer the drug, and restrain the patient while they were being treated. Now, he knew his lover just wanted to sit back with a glass of bourbon and forget any of this ever happened.

Spock and Uhura left, Uhura waving her hand loosely at the two men before the doors whooshed shut behind them.

"You know she's planning a surprise for you at dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, I might've heard something about it floating around the ship. I think I can find some reasonable excuse to be too busy to attend."

"She made you a cake."

Bones seemed to perk up at this, cake being a rare treat so far from home. "Really? What kind of cake?"

"Now _that_ would be ruining the surprise, wouldn't it?"

"It was ruined this morning when Scotty unscrupulously asked Nurse Chapel if she _fancied a drink_ at this little shindig right in front of me."

Chuckling, Jim shook his head ruefully at his crew's antics. "Still, I know you're not really up to it but you should at least make an appearance. It'll make the crew happy to see you there. Let 'em know how much you appreciate all their efforts."

Bones seemed to contemplate things as he bent down to retrieve the decanter from his desk. Jim took the opportunity to admire his read end.

"I could make it worth your while."

The bottle thumped down on the desk and Bones took a seat, touching a crooked finger to his chin. "I'm listening." He said magnanimously.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, Bones and Jim stumbled into their quarters, arms draped around each other, laughing riotously as Bones crashed down onto the bed, holding his sides while he watched Jim flail around uncontrollably.

"I thought I was going to pass out from laughter when Chekov tried to show Sulu that Cossack dance!"

Jim tried to mime the dance but failed miserably, falling on his ass when his drunk legs wouldn't cooperate with the intricate movements. Bones just giggled even harder at the pained expression on his face.

"Well, it was Sulu's fault when he said that fencing was just a refined from of dancing, requiring intense practice and concentration! When he went flying into Spock, I really thought he was going to party poop on everybody, but then he deadpanned that line about looking before he leaps... I almost lost it."

Snorting loudly and grabbing onto the edge of the bed, Jim pulled himself into a kneeling position, grinning at Bones with a familiar twinkle in his eye.

"So about that payment I owe you… are you up for trying something a little different?"

"I don't know. The last time we tried different, we had three ensigns a deck below us file a noise complaint, which was disturbing in its own right since one of us was gagged. I wanted to punch the smug look off of Spock's face when he dressed us down for that one."

Not hearing a no, Jim slowly got to his feet, weaving a little as he went over to the closet and pulled out something Bones couldn't quite see. Turning around, Jim sent a handful of supple looking bands of silk fluttering lightly from his clenched fist.

"Oh, hell no! I spent the last two weeks tied up to this goddamned bed, so you can just fuck right off!"

"Come on, that Orion trader had some slave girls with him and they gave me these Orion silk sashes, along with some pointers on how to use them."

Bones looked torn between letting Jim having his wicked way with him or possibly suffering some kind of neurotic flashbacks and freaking out before they even got started. On the other hand, Jim hadn't taken the lead in quite a while and Bones wasn't really up for arguing over the merits of a little kink in their lives. With a wave of his hand, Bones acquiesced to the request, Jim's smile getting brighter and more seductive after he agreed.

"Just don't tie them too tight. I've had enough rope burns to set me for life, thank you very much."

"Not in a million years with this stuff, Bones. It's designed to smooth and sensual against the skin. Now strip."

 

* * *

 

Gradually, their bodies fell still, deep satisfaction taking the place of the fire that had been racing through them. Jim's lips were red and just a bit swollen when they met Bones' again, firmly but less urgently than before, their sweat-slicked bodies shuddering together. Short, panting breaths filled the air. No more words were needed as Jim numbly untied Bones, who immediately wrapped his arms around Jim. They curled up together when the passion settled, arms and legs entwined, matted hair stick damply to heated skin.

Once their breathing became more even, Jim ran a ran through Bones' hair, moving his fingers down to trace around his eyes, cheeks and mouth, slowly mapping out the planes of his face. Nipping playfully at the pads of his fingers, Bones drew Jim closer to him.

"First kinky and now romantic. Is this some new incarnation of James Kirk that I need to be worried about?"

"I want to remember this, you and I here and now. Because I never realized how easy it would be to lose all this."

"Says the man who gets his rocks off by sticking his ass into every kind of danger it can find."

"We all knew the danger when we enlisted, but I didn't have _this_ back then, and now I don't ever want to let it go."

Bones felt his heart swell at the sentiment he knew was a rarity for Jim and took Jim's hand in his own. "I'll make you a deal. I won't let go if you don't. Not for anything this damned universe can throw at us."

Jim smiled and nodded, sealing the agreement with a tender kiss.

 

**The End**


End file.
